The Dirty Scrubbers
Guide to Greenwash 2023
The Dirty Scrubbers is a full service agency global franchise.
We work with big business interests to helping them hide and obfuscate their damage to the environment, lobbying and keeping government onside, and generally smoothing the path for our clients to do what they do best - making loads of money !
Guide to Greenwash 2023: A forward by CEO Ada Scrubber:
Whilst we have Antonio Gutierrez as secretary general of the UN, greenwashing has never been more challenging than it is right now - worse than it was in 2008 after ‘An Inconvenient Truth’. What we learnt from 2008 is that all we need to do is create doubt and suspicion to maintain business as usual.
Fortunately this is a problem that you can just throw money at and our best clients have enjoyed some amazing profits in the past 18 months so I think 2023 is literally a win win for all concerned. This is very heart warming indeed and means bonuses and private jets all round. Those free loading virtue signalling Leninists haven’t been allowed to dent profits yet - despite all of their best efforts. We urge our wonderful clients to stick with us as we ensure that they will be granted new licenses for coal and oil and stop any of these tofu eating wokerati slowing down our core business profits. Stick with the scrubbers and you will find your ‘managed decline’ is more financially rewarding than ever. As you know we split our work into 4 key departments each headed by an extremely safe pair of marigolded hands.
Department of Doubt headed by Gloria Scrubber.
Includes -Think Tanks and Research bodies, bare-faced lies and media relationships including BBC balance and general assorted misinformation.
Fairytales and unicorns - our most creative department headed up by Doris Scrubber
This includes future technology, Carbon Capture, Hydrogen (vehicles and heating) Neom AI and flights to Mars.
Lobbying and policy - led by Donkey hustler Dolores Scrubber.
Includes COP28, UK Government supplementary salaries and consultancies
NB in the light of recent party gate events we have switched our chat groups from Whats app to Signal.
Offsets and sponsorships in arts, sports, education universities recruitment.
All of this work is underpinned by our fabulous big data team headed up by Alexandra Nix Scrubber and Dominica Cummings Scrubber - our micro targeting discord experts.
Using our big data black box:
Department of Doubt
headed by Gloria Scrubber
After the fabulous success of releasing the UEA Climate scientists emails in 2008 this department is literally 'Cooking with Gas' going on from doubt to disbelief. This year highlights include - rebrand of the Global Warming Policy foundation to Net Zero Watch to focus the doubt onto affordability.
Continues work with our regular pals in 55 Tufton street - Tax Payers Alliance, Institute of Economic affairs, Net Zero Watch, Global Warming Policy Foundation, Civetas .....
Fairytales and unicorns
our most creative department headed up by Doris Scrubber: Best projects included on going carbon capture technology: - (still only sucks up the equivalent of 6 seconds CO2 globaly in a year but we get so much press out of it ....
Hydrogen The Hydrogen Village is a stroke of genius https://hydrogenvillage.com/. We focus press attention on whether the inhabitants have the right to opt out or not, thus keeping the concept in the back of people minds, so that when they buy a new-build house furnished with a Hydrogen Ready boiler they don't push for solar panels - we have secured Centrica thousand of new customers who might other wise have been lost to renewables! Bio gas is also performing well. Of course PR cannot actually change the molecule size of the gas but we think we are far enough in the future to forget about the Hindenburg.
Neom https://www.neom.com/en-us this is a great project with our Saudi partners and under the expert tutelage of Doris is gaining the mythical status of Camelot for the 21st Century.
Lobbying Well nothing screams success like having an Oil Executive as the Chair of COP28 https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2023/1/12/uae-names-oil-company-chief-to-lead-uns-cop-28-climate-talks. We have been running the strategic COP project for 28 years now and still keep the words 'fossil fuels' out of any agreement, it it really is the gift that keeps on giving.
We worked with a new partner for Nat Con 2023 in the UK it was rather successful we had the home secretary and 6 senior figures from the ruling party - watch this space this project will grow an grow.
philanthropic futures - simple sponsorship getting reo challenging in the market with Fossil free London working hard to put people of manistream arts deals such as BP at the British Museum and National Portrait gallery
We are now working with clients such as Adani to develop small subsiduary renwables projects such as Adani Green Energy to sponsor the Science museum. As the recession bites we are confident with the right level of spend we can maintain our arts, museums, sport & sponsorship programmes.
Press relationships and Data
Our relationships with Telegraph is very amicable they have a very ‘can-do attitude as do our favourite polemicists at the Spectator.
As long as Rupert is alive we have our partnership with Newscorps. Times radio is going from strength to strength. Fledgling start ups GB news and Talk Radio are battling it out beautifully for an audience and LBC is great .... We haven’t managed to get rid of James O’Brien yet, but watch this space ....
We work with a full range of clients, from Energy, Finace, FNCG and Tech.
Wonderul this month to be joined by one of our early franchises - Scrubbers in Indonesia. All power to their elbows.